I’ve always pondered whether the cliché of a Millionaire were true. Whether they really eat the most expensive foods in the world while wearing priceless jewellery at the same time as driving a luxury car, only they were not actually driving, their butler Geoffrey was, or whether they secretly stalked about Poundland like the money-saving, bargain hunting, greedy human beings we are stocking up on Tizer and 4-packs of Rolo’s.
I’ve always thought that if I were to win the lottery or come into the hands of a lot of money, I would buy a house and a jacuzzi and fill it with Milky-Bar yoghurt and soak in it all day long while I paid scientists to create a talking cat/dog (similar to the one from the animated series Cat-Dog except this one enjoyed croissants a lot more) cross-breed to entertain me and remind me of every joke from the TV show Friends.
However, though my dreams may seem entertaining or even mentally unstable to some, it doesn’t compare to the stupendous greed that most millionaires contain within themselves. They have all this money that they waste on pointless musings, which could be put to better use such as charity. But if we are all completely honest, we would be doing exactly the same thing. We would be buying the most expensive version of Nutella, which is actually found inside the branches of the extremely rare Nǔt Nǔt plant from Western Africa and carried over to England by Turtles. We would be trying to see how many bars of Crunchy we could eat (it’s about 7) before we projectile vomiting all that honeycomb goodness on to a Van Gogh original. And we would be trying to do all the things that we wish we could do, if we had the money.
It seems like such a different universe, being rich. They talk about different things. Make different jokes. Eat different foods. Drive different cars. Date different women. Live in different houses. They probably have a special form of medical care where you can die, but be brought back to life through the soul of a “poor person”. Yeah. The rich have probably discovered souls are real. They probably already know whether god is real or not, and how Mr. Krab manage to cook burgers inside of his restaurant under the sea.
Everyone hates the rich, until they become rich themselves.