Say goodbye to 3D and hello to 4D. 5D will be here in a few weeks.

Just as soon as the universe had gotten used to the cinematic annoyance that is 3D, again, the brand new and “groundbreaking” 4th Dimension of cinema explodes on to our screens. Or to phrase it in the brand new 4D format, “explodes into our seats”. Yes, 4D cinema is actually nothing to do with the 4th Dimension. No, really? But 3D cinema accurately portrayed the 3rd Dimension (i.e real life) you say? I know. Shocking.

4D cinema is a new experience for the avid movie-goer, it essentially mimics a rollercoaster in the fact that your entire chair vibrates and rocks back and forth when Mark Wahlberg drives into an on-coming bus in order to prove that he is a badass. The second thing that 4D brings to the table is a brand new quality of sound, which sounds incredible, but in a nutshell it’s basically just some speakers in a chair. Picture a long, monotonous journey to Manchester with your blind, arthritic great-grandma at the wheel and that will be 4D cinema. There will be panics, explosions, and a lot of Werther’s Originals on the ground.

The worst thing about this innovative idea is the price, which is an extra £5.50 on top of your already pricey ticket of £8.50. So as well as a few quid here and there spent on drinks and nacho’s etc., you’ll be spending roughly around £18 on your 4D cinema experience. As if things weren’t bad enough. I would honestly rather go to Thorpe Park and sit on a real rollercoaster for an entire day than go and watch Jackie Chan fighting off French anarchists in order to get the President of Yugoslavia’s daughter back into university. With the UK’s cinema industry taking such a terrible turn for the worse, they can’t afford to push away more customers with ridiculous ticket prices such as these. But the thing that gets to me most, is the kind of films they will be bringing out in 4D. They won’t be interesting movies that test your senses and stimulate your unconscious, they will just be films involving Leonardo DiCaprio in a film with a farfetched plot that suddenly makes sense in the end after the world has exploded and turned upside-down a few times.

Despite all the bad press I am giving 4D, I would actually like to try it when it arrives in England. So far it has been introduced in Glasgow as well as American, Japan and Australia, but it is set to be brought down to London very soon. Hopefully by then the ticket prices will have been sorted, because £5.50 to sit in a different chair is just ludicrous. I could stay at home jumping around with plastic guns and mimicking explosions whilst continuing a swapping chairs routine all night, FOR FREE. I may have spoken too soon on the matter, who knows? Maybe 4th Dimension cinema will take the cinematic world by storm? But so far I can’t see much of a bright future for 4D. I can just see it heading down the path of its predecessors which exist in technology heaven.

“Oh hello Betamax, Dial-Up Internet and HD DVD, it’s nice to meet you, I’m 4D cinema!”

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