Okay vampires, that’s far enough.

I thought I could put up with the lame Twillight and True Blood crap that now plagues this universe; but I can’t. It makes my blood boil that something that was once he pinnacle of modern horror has now been reduced to nothing more than a cheap commodity. This rage has been building for a long time, like a bus driver that is one rude passenger away from becoming the new Fred West. But what has made it spill over the edge, is a new film; “Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”.

Now I am all for experimental cinema, in fact it usually makes some of the best films. But there is no reason whatsoever why anyone should make a film that destroys the memory of a great man. What’s next, “Einstein: Zombie Slayer”, “Michaelangelo: Demon Destroyer”. What is it with modern society and their need to put a historical figure into a film where they ruin the very core of their character? I suppose the next Sherlock Holmes installment will follow along the suicide inducing storyline that the last Indiana Jones film chose, and be based around aliens? Here’s a good one.

The star of this film is Benjamin Walker (who you won’t remember from any movie before or after this, which is a shame because he might have become a good actor, but we will never find out because he chose to star in a movie called Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.) Starring alongside him is the forgettable face of Dominic Cooper, who you won’t remember from such movies as “Mama Mia”, “The Dutchess” and “The History Boys”. The strangest thing about this film, aside from the fact it was actually made, is that it appears to be a serious movie. There is a deep, emotional storyline at heart and a murky grey overlay filter to give it that real “19th century” effect we all know and loathe. I dug a little deeper, and discovered that it is actually based on a book! Someone actually sat down, wrote this, and published it. The writer (Seth Grahame-Smith) also seems to have a recurring theme of unecessarily putting horror movie figues into his books, with stories like “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”. The problem is however, that the writer of these books happens to write one of my favourite TV shows, “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”. Which sort of makes me want to take all the hate back about his b0oks. So, I am sorry Seth.

Books are one thing, but films are another. We don’t need anymore vampires films. We already have too many around that just thinking about them all makes my brain ache. There will soon be a “vampire” section in the corner of HMV which will eventually stretch out into being a vampire store, which will become more powerful than Apple and Microsoft combined, taking over the entire universe and branching into a planet to store all vampire related media, literature, and film.

On a lighter note, look out for my new book, and then movie, coming out; “God: God Hunter”. It’s about God, THE God, (not any other god) going around and killing all the other gods. The twist of this book is, this all happens before the dawn of time, and since time doesn’t exist yet, neither does the story. It’s quite a good twist.


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